My January started off on fire. I was excited about the projects I was working on, I was organized and meeting every deadline, and I was even getting ahead on work. My little productivity-loving heart was singing. Every day, I put tasks on my to do list and then I crossed them off. It was beautiful.
Last week, everything derailed. I was tired, unmotivated, drained.
And, I found myself wondering: what’s wrong with me? What am I doing differently this week that I wasn’t doing the weeks before? I was eating well, getting enough sleep, and drinking water. Why wasn’t it working???
I had to remind myself (a lot. Like multiple times a day) that there was nothing wrong with me. I’m a human being, not a machine. And, as a human being, I need breaks. I need time to rest. I need fun and spontaneity. As humans, we are from nature, we are part of nature. And as such, we operate on cycles. Just like nature rests in winter, so must we sometimes. We can’t simply produce, produce, produce. We must also rest.
When you start looking for these natural cycles and rhythms, you’ll start to see them everywhere. The sun, the moon, the seasons — it’s all cycles. And, we’re part of that too. Last week, while I was in a period of needing rest, gentleness, and time to care for myself, I tried to remember these tips.
do5ive
1. Turn to nature
This past week in Texas, we had a massive ice storm. And, for anyone in the north, yes, we Texans know that we appear like babies to y’all who are used to the cold. I also want to remind anyone thinking this that our cities don’t have de-icing infrastructure, our homes are built for heat not cold, and no matter how hearty you are, going without power for three days in the cold is inhumane.
I was lucky to have power for all but a few hours during this storm, and yet, I felt the energy of this storm so strongly. It entirely closed the city. Everyone was stuck in their homes worrying if we were going to relive the icepocalypse of 2021. It doesn’t happen all that often anymore when we have the indoors and cars, but during an ice storm in Texas, nature stops everything.
And, there’s always a moment for me when I revel in the fact that nature has become so strong that we have no choice but to listen to her. When we can’t go to work and can’t drive to get food, we have to stop and rest. Stop and take time for quiet.
It shouldn’t take an ice storm to remember, but sometimes it does. We’re not built to be able to produce all day, every day. Just like nature, we have cycles. And sometimes, we need to stop, rest, nourish ourselves, and shed what’s no longer serving us.
2. Accept that we are cyclical
We live our lives under capitalism. And because of this, it’s difficult to encourage living a cyclical life filled with rest. It goes against everything our society holds dear. Under capitalism, we humans are expected to wake up each morning and be just as productive as the day before. And, each quarter should be more productive and make more money than the last.
I’ve long questioned the quarterly reports put out by large businesses. How can anyone or anything be expected to grow and get better every single quarter? It’s simply unnatural. And yet, that’s the expectation. Q3 should always be better than Q2. And Q4, should be even better, more productive, and make more money than that.
So, while I want to suggest tuning into the natural rhythms of the world and the cyclical nature of ourselves as humans, I recognize that it’s just not feasible for most of us living under capitalism. Instead of a recommendation, I share this: know that your humanness means you live cyclically. You don’t have to feel shame about that.
Even if you can’t slow down in the winter when your mind and body crave it, you can at least get rid of any guilt or shame you feel around wanting or needing to slow down. It’s natural for your energy to fluctuate. And even if you can’t slow down, recognizing that wanting to slow down is normal may help clear away any shame you feel.
3. Do something kind, gentle, and cozy for yourself
As I’m trying to live more in tune with my own natural cycles, I’m trying to find gentleness around the need to slow down and not be productive. When I wake up on a morning feeling the need to move slowly, I try to avoid the shame and blame cycle. I used to force myself to dig deep, find the motivation, and get shit done. I’d push, I’d force, and I’d shame myself for not being able to do simple tasks.
It was awful. Instead, I’m now trying to come at these days with gentleness. Sometimes I can just take those days off. Other times, I’m on a deadline or have to get a specific task done. If I do, I try to ask myself: “How can I make this 10% easier?” And, whatever answer I get from myself, I do it.
This frame of mind is helping me approach my own cycles with more gentleness and kindness. If I have to meet a deadline on a bad day, I do it from my comfy chair, with a blanket and homemade latte instead of sitting at my desk. Or, I shift tasks and do something that I feel more capable of doing, and I might even do it in front of the TV. Those small changes, small ways of showing kindness to yourself can go far. They can help remove the shame and blame of not feeling motivated. And instead of forcing yourself to work from an energy of shame or blame, you can support yourself to work with kindness and gentleness.
4. Is it a microwave or stovetop day?
Sometimes, we have to simply know our own limits and work within them. I found this question recently in an article: is it a microwave or stove top day? The example comes from making tea. You can get boiling water from either a stovetop kettle or the microwave. One is more aesthetically pleasing, the other is faster. Some days are microwave days. And, there’s nothing wrong with that.
It can be tempting to add value or moral judgment to the days when we microwave our water for tea instead of using the stovetop kettle. But, is there really any difference? No. You still get hot water in the end.
If there’s a way to make a task easier, take it. And, if you’re having a rough day, look for tasks that feel within reach. When I have days where it’s difficult to write or be creative, I switch over to working on admin tasks. I’ll edit, answer emails, or prepare my invoices. Microwave days are inevitable.
5. Talk to yourself like you would your pet
I think about the dichotomy between how I talk to my cat and how I talk to myself all the time. When I talk to my cat, I praise her with affirmations, about how cute she is, how well she ate her food, how beautiful she looks sleeping in the sunshine. She gets praise for anything and everything.
But, when I talk to myself, I only get praise when I’ve exceeded expectations. Which, when your expectations are inflated by capitalism and a perfectionist wound, you rarely exceed them. While I'm not quite comfortable lavishing myself with as much praise as I give my kitty, I’m learning to point out all that I’ve accomplished and be amazed by it. I’m learning to stick to neutral comments instead of negative ones. Because, it’s ok. Even on the not-so-good days, I’m doing my best. And so are you.
The other 5ive
1. What I’m reading: As always, Anne Helen Petersen has said it best: “After more than a decade of hiring sprees and bidding wars for talent, these actions have been labeled a sort of natural, totally expected “course correction.” And some of that argument makes sense. But it’s also a very convenient way of (re)instilling fear in the workforce.”
2. What I’m grateful for: Being welcomed back into the Austin dance community with open arms. <3 I haven’t been out dancing in years, and starting again is HARD. I feel so welcomed when people say hi, introduce themselves, and ask for a dance.
3. What I’m cooking: This week, we’re cooking up a steak and pairing it with some lemon bucatini. Simple and delicious.
4. What I’m listening to: Nirvana Radio — this gave me such nostalgia for the music of my childhood.
5. What I’m loving: This little game of iSpy gave me such simple joy <3