What if it wasn't a problem?

My brain is a super quick, very efficient little problem solver.

If you come to me with a complaint, have no fear, I have 78 solutions at my fingertips ready to go. And, I love this superpower. It’s very, very useful.

It can also make me a sort of annoying friend. Sometimes, my superpower goes on overdrive and starts solving problems (my own or others) before it’s really a problem. Sometimes people want to vent and talk about their problems, not receive a detailed list of potential solutions.

And, when my brain gets bored, it goes looking for problems. It’s amazingly creative at finding problems—even if those problems are made up or imaginary.

As I was making my to do list just now, I caught myself thinking there wasn’t much left for me to do. So, I sat and pondered for a minute. And, lo and behold, I filled up the to do list. And, I thought to myself, well, there’s only nothing to do if you’re not thinking hard enough.

There’s always a problem to solve.

But, what if instead of looking for things to do, I’d simply leaned into the fact that my to do list was empty? I could’ve spent my time enjoying a new creative project, reading a book, or staring off into space.

Recently, I’ve been striving to find a pause. If my brain identifies a problem, I try to pause, take a breath, and not rush into searching for a solution.

Because, and this is radical, what if it wasn’t a problem?

And, that’s what I’d like to propose to you today. What if we looked at some of the things in our lives, the constants, not as problems, but as realities of life.

do5ive

1. Acceptance: the do list is never done

My brain has a bad habit of thinking that next week will be slower. Work a little extra today and then tomorrow you won’t be so stressed. Get through this task and then the to do list will be shorter or more manageable.

It’s a very sexy thought to think.

And yet, in the depths of my soul, when I examine it rationally, I know that it’s a lie. It’s simply not true.

Past evidence even points to this. In my 34 years of existence on this planet, I have yet to get to the bottom of the to do list and sit and stare at a wall.

I’ve been bored, there are tasks I don’t want to do, but I’ve never had a completely empty to do list.

When this gets overwhelming, I remind myself to look at my to do list like laundry. Laundry is a process task that’s never done. At least, it’s never done unless you pause, totally naked in your closet with all of your clothing clean and put away. If you’re not doing that, then laundry is literally never done.

There are clean clothes, dirty clothes, and clothes in the process of getting dirty. Always and forever.

Thinking of my to do list like laundry helps me to examine it more rationally. And, helps me to just close my damn laptop and stop for the day. Because, just like all the clothes will never be clean and put away, my to do list will never be done.

2. What if it weren’t a problem?

It sounds overly simplistic, but I’ve found asking myself this question when I categorize something in my brain as a problem helps me to see it in a different perspective.

We offered to friends to host a casual friendsgiving over the past weekend. Everyone could bring their leftovers and just enjoy being together, sharing a meal, and having a cozy conversation.

When the day came around, I got called out for work and the house was a mess because we were mid-project. (Cleaning out the attic—gross.) I felt my stress shoot into the stratosphere.

We couldn’t host people. We couldn’t leave the house a disaster. I wouldn’t be able to sleep.

My brain screamed all of that at me all at once.

I paused, took a deep breath, and thought: what if it wasn’t a problem?

Well, I could haul some stuff back upstairs so the couch was available to sit on. And, our friends love us whether the house is messy or not. The food would taste just as good and the conversation would flow just as nicely. Even if the Christmas tree box was standing awkwardly in the corner.

So, maybe it wasn’t a problem.

3. Journal: 20 reasons it’s not a problem

An exercise I love from the wise Catherine Andrews is a journaling prompt she offers. When you’re faced with something that’s not going how you want it to, pull up a seat, grab your favorite pen, crack open your journal, and ask: what are 20 reasons that this thing isn’t a problem?

And, I want to add the disclaimer that this isn’t intended to be toxically positive. You have every right to feel your feelings of disappointment or hurt or anger. But, it’s an opportunity to reframe your views of what’s happening.

If you catch yourself ruminating on something in your life that you’ve framed in your mind as “bad,” this is an opportunity to challenge that framing. It’s an opportunity to reexamine if the way you wanted something to go wasn’t actually the “best” way.

I’ve been sitting on a tentative plan for a super short trip to Disney World in December. All planned at the last minute, of course. Yesterday, I sat down to see what dates they might have tickets available for the after-hours holiday party.

And…it’s sold out. Turns out, it’s been sold out for weeks.

I was bummed. It had been something I was really looking forward to.

So, how is this not a problem?

1. It saves money.

2. I won’t be so tired.

3. I can spend the saved money on a future trip.

4. I have an opportunity to do something new I’ve never done before.

And on and on. Is this problem silly? Sure. But, you can use this technique for everything from the silly to the serious.

4. How is this keeping you safe?

Another way I like to pause and reconsider a problem is to ask myself how this mindset is keeping me safe.

Often, we create problems and to dos in order to keep ourselves safe. For me, a running to do list is a protection mechanism, a way to ensure that I’m never bored or alone. It’s a way to control my life.

If I never stop, I will never feel lonely. When there’s a to do list, there’s always something to do.

Often, there are aspects of our life that we’ve built up as protection mechanisms. We do them to keep ourselves safe from something we’ve coded as dangerous.

5. Skip the tough love

Another way that I’ve been pausing and challenging the idea that something I think is a problem actually isn’t is to act out of self love and support.

I’m refusing self-coercion.

If I don’t want to do something, I don’t do it. The thought is so simple and yet feels incredibly radical to say out loud.

And, after a few months of this, I have to say, my life hasn’t fallen apart. My teeth haven’t fallen out of my head, even though brushing my teeth is one of my least favorite tasks. And, in reality, I’ve only skipped brushing my teeth one or two times.

It’s helping me to lean into my self trust, to believe in myself, my mind, and my body. When I don’t want to do something, there’s probably a good reason for it. I’m probably overly tired, needing some kindness and love, or seeking support. Trusting myself and not forcing myself to do the thing I’m dreading has helped me to more easily trust in and listen to that voice in my head.

It’s really damn smart!

So, I put the question to you: what if it wasn’t a problem?

What in your life have you been categorizing as a problem that you don’t have to. Could you recategorize that thing? Can you reexamine it to find a little more space and acceptance?

The other 5ive

1. What I’m reading: I’ve finally begun the Throne of Glass series by Sara J. Maas and I’m thoroughly enjoying it. I’ve read Throne of Glass, Crown of Midnight, and am almost finished with Assassin’s Blade. The story is really picking up!

2. What I’m grateful for: Time spent with family and friends over the holiday. <3

3. What I’m cooking: These “hello, fall!” pumpkin muffins which were moist and divine.

4. What I’m listening to: This feel-good cleaning mix got us through our attic cleanout.

5. What I’m loving: Study with Merve has the perfect quiet, work vibes is just what I need to power through some projects at the end of the year.